November 3, 2026

Discovering Depersonalization, Derealization, and Emotional Numbness

Today, while continuing my investigation into my physical and mental condition, I discovered several terms that may help describe experiences I've had for years.

They are depersonalization, derealization, dissociation, and anhedonia.

I had difficulty explaining these experiences before because I didn't know how to describe them.

What I experience

Sometimes, shortly after waking up, I begin experiencing a strange sensation of losing connection with my body.

It can begin around my feet and gradually seem to move upward through my body toward my head.

I can physically feel everything normally. I can walk, exercise, stretch, and move my body.

But something about my subjective experience changes.

I feel disconnected from parts of my body, even though I know they are there.

At the same time, I can experience mental fog and a strange feeling that the world around me is not completely real.

One example explains it particularly well.

I can look at a beautiful tree and intellectually understand that it is beautiful, but I cannot feel the beauty.

I recognize the world, but my emotional connection to it sometimes disappears.

These experiences can be followed by worry or panic.

Learning the terminology

Today, I learned about several experiences that resemble what I have been describing.

Depersonalization refers to feeling detached from oneself, one's body, or one's emotions.

Derealization refers to experiencing the surrounding world as unreal, distant, or dreamlike.

Dissociation is a broader term involving disruptions in the normal experience of awareness, identity, emotion, perception, or connection.

Anhedonia refers to a reduced ability to experience pleasure.

These are descriptions of symptoms and experiences, not diagnoses I have received.

I still don't know exactly what is happening to me or what causes it.

One important discovery

For months, I have been practicing something very simple: going outside every day.

I often use my bicycle to reach parks and natural environments.

What I discovered is that going outside can significantly change my condition.

I gradually begin feeling more connected to my body and surroundings.

My ability to appreciate nature and experience happiness returns.

Sometimes, I feel like a completely different person afterward.

Before developing this habit, I went through long periods when experiencing pleasure and appreciation was extremely difficult.

Now I know that these abilities can return.

I still don't fully understand why.

What I confirmed today

I can physically move and feel my body normally even when I experience subjective disconnection.

My difficulties are not simply a loss of physical movement or touch sensation.

I also confirmed that my symptoms can fluctuate considerably, and that my surroundings and activities appear to influence how I feel.

I noticed that my breathing often seems shallow, although I have not established whether this contributes to the symptoms.

I want to investigate these experiences further and seek appropriate medical assessment rather than assume that I already know the explanation.

My conclusion

Today, I gained new vocabulary to describe something that has been difficult to explain for years.

I don't yet have a diagnosis or a confirmed cause.

But I have observed something important:

My ability to feel happiness, beauty, and connection has not disappeared permanently. It can return.

My goal is to understand what changes, why it changes, and what I can practically do to improve my condition.

This is another step in my project, From Caveman to Fix-It Alex.

I'm documenting what I observe, what I discover, and what remains unknown.

— Alexander Ozashvili